I will Never know
by Francine Thitade
Summary: Two children of different worlds... attempt to live without their hand in the others grasp. HxC oneshot songfic


_Day after day  
time pass away  
and I just can't get you off my mind   
nobody knows  
I hide it inside  
I keep on searching but I can't find_

Haku made his way up the tower's staircase the round face of a scared little girl with eyes that showed their naivety in the way they told him she trusted him implicitly, pervaded his mind, disrupting his thoughts. "Chihiro" he pondered the familiarity of her face, her name, "why does her name call to me to remember something I cannot grasp?" His thoughts remained much along this same thread while he switched off the light after Yubaba's departure and while he laid down his own mat to rest; unaware of the smile that had come to settle on his face. _I feel as though I'm flying_ his head fell against the pillow as understanding wheedled its way through his sleepy state _I'm… happy…_

The sound of muffled crying was inaudible that night, Chihiro fought with reason that despaired of the honesty she had seen in Haku's eyes _"remember, I'm a friend"_ how could that be true when only a moment later he was _"Master Haku"_ and ordering her not to speak to him? Rin had said not to trust anything he said _but I do, I know I can trust Haku. He isn't as bad as Rin thinks, I know it…_ she faded in and out of the dreams that tried to soothe her tired heart

_the courage to show  
to letting you know  
I've never felt so much love before  
and once again I'm thinkin' about  
takin' the easy way out_

A white dragon flew over the moon reflecting waters toward Zeniba's house, _please be alright_ was the mantra that echoed within his mind. _Chihiro_ ever since her arrival in the spirit world he had felt there was purpose to his own empty existence, for the past three days his life and thoughts had oriented around someone other than himself and his own goals, she filled him with a warm happy glow, but he hid it well, keeping up his reputation of a cold master, as Yubaba's apprentice. Yet Haku had kept a careful watch on Chihiro during her stay; checking up on her when he was sure of Yubaba's awareness being directed elsewhere.

While on his mission of retrieving Zeniba's seal he'd caught himself thinking of her by the way the light glittered on the water like her smile, and the flowers on the few sparse islands brought him back to the day he took her to see her parents, and she'd cried in his arms at the overwhelming reality of what she had to do; he came to the conclusion that day that if he could prevent it she'd never cry like that again. And now he had finally found a way to release Chihiro from slaving any longer in that bathhouse under Yubaba's contract.

Haku called the winds to carry him faster to Chihiro's side; he could make out the little cottage now, lit from within by a cheery fire, and he spurred on, the rushing of the air; his sole comfort and companion of the many years he had worked for Yubaba, was with him now as he neared the place where one little girl who had made his life worthwhile was waiting for him.

_but if I let you go  
I will never know  
what my life would be   
holding you close to me  
will I ever see  
you smiling back at me  
how will I know  
if I let you go_

Flying to the bathhouse; they were finally free. His smile grew as he thought of Yubaba's face at losing both Sen and her apprentice. Kohaku relished the feeling of flying with Chihiro beside him, with her hand entwined in his. His goal was almost accomplished Chihiro could now return to the human world with her family safe and sound his smile faltered _I may never see her again_ He tightened his hold on her hand, She looked up at him her smiling face sure of a happy ending. Her infectious joy eased his fear _nothing will keep us apart_ he swore as they alighted on the opposing end of the bridge. He watched proudly as she beat the test, Chihiro was smiling widely as she ran to him. Kohaku took her hand in his and they raced to the river. There they pledged to be together again _someday…_

The two children felt deprived of warmth as their fingers slid out of the others grasp. Kohaku watched her from his vantage point till Chihiro disappeared into the tunnel and out of his world…

_night after night  
I hear myself say  
why can't this feeling just fade away  
there's no one like you  
you speak to my heart  
it's such a shame  
we're worlds apart_

_A new home_ Chihiro laid awake thinking back to that first night once again here in the human world; _it's been so long since then_ Haku's face had taken to haunting the back of her eyelids, shining green eyes, and dark jade hair, the feeling of floating on the wind, his hands holding hers- _no…I can't keep doing this to myself_ Chihiro thought restlessly, Haku's promise echoed in her heart, willing her to hold on just a little while more, "I can't seem to give you up Haku." She confessed to the stars outside her window "I want so much to believe you were real, that you won't break your promise" _We will see each other again _She assured herself _we will be forever._ _I know it …_

Kohaku was dumbstruck, but regained himself in an instant and he cursed at the old man Kamajii's words _"You cannot stay in the human world. Human's and spirit's cannot co-exist on the same plane for extended periods of time." _Kohaku rocketed out of the bathhouse and over the bridge_ "I'm sorry Haku, but it this isn't like a contract with loopholes or a spell with a way to be broken."_ landing on the hilltop overlooking the river, his piercing eyes sought the tunnel that had taken her away from him. Zeniba's voice had, however unwillingly, also contributed in the destruction of his hopes and Chihiro's dreams _"You mustn't try to see her Kohaku" _The river spirit glared at the dark spot in the distance, but anger held no relief for him, and he faded back into his human form_ "if you do so choose to enter the human world there's no telling how long you will have there before this world pulls you back," _ Kohaku fell to his knees, the tears stung his eyes, blurring his vision_ "fight it and you will cease to exist, your very essence will be torn to shreds." _ The whole of the spirit world heard his cry, the sound of a dragon's heart breaking, to be scatter on the wind. _Chihiro…_

_I'm too shy to ask  
I'm too proud to lose  
but sooner or later I've gotta choose  
and once again  
I'm thinkin' about  
taking the easy way out  
_

They were unsuspectingly staring at opposite ends of the same tunnel;_ a jaded boy with emerald eyes stood high on a hill looking down onto an empty green plain the dark entrance sang to him promising the sight of loves face. _

_Love with chocolate hair and eyes sat beside a little stone head statue not daring to enter but wishing to see what lay beyond. Chihiro got to her feet and tentatively took a step toward the gaping passageway "Haku!" she called into the darkness. "Haku please answer me!" Her brittle voice echoed back to her, ever mocking as it reverberated off the plaster walls. _

_Haku…... Plea…...Me the words were faint and far apart but he heard them, she's there! He was on his feet unhesitatingly running down the hill to the gateway "Chihiro! Wait Chihiro! I'm coming!" He roared, the desperation in his voice disturbing his ears, but Chihiro didn't notice all she knew right then was the sound of his voice; he had heard her! He would be here as promised. The pulse of wind threw her hair into a frenzied dance and died as fast as it had come. He stood before her at long last. And once again she threw herself into his arms._

_but if I let you go  
I will never know  
what my life would be   
holding you close to me  
will I ever see  
you smiling back at me  
how will I know  
if I let you go  
_

Chocolate hair and eyes stood by a little stone head not daring to enter the dark passage before her but wishing to see once more what lay beyond.

_  
If I let you go…  
_

Kohaku had not moved from his defeated position on the hilltop, the tears had stopped long ago leaving only an ache and dead determination,_ I cannot ask her to return to this place, I won't do that to her, _the dragon shone in his eyes as he rose to stand again_, there's only one choice left…_

_  
But if I let you go  
I will never know  
_

Chihiro stepped back, away from the place that held all memory of her first love; her heart told her that this was the end. "Haku…"She whispered her goodbye to the surrounding wood _we will be forever…_

_  
Will I ever see  
you smiling back at me?_

Slowly, hesitantly those children of different worlds turned from their past they had together, where a piece of their hearts stayed bound, to attempt living without the others hand in their own. Kohaku leapt into the sky silver scales glistening in the morning sun _Farewell Chihiro…_

She cast one last longing glance to the plaster entrance _don't forget me, Haku…_

_  
How will I know  
if I let you go_

Disclaimer: I do not own in any way the characters of _Spirited Away by _Hayao Miyazakiand I do not hold any legal claim over the lyrics for the song "If I let you go" by Westlife.


End file.
